Life is a Journey: March 2010

So, about 7 weeks back, I was sitting in church and saw a blurb in the bulletin about a class that was going to be offered over lent. It was called Extreme Makeover God's Way (book by Dr. Ben Lerner) and would be taught by a chiropractor. That peaked my interest. The blurb continued that you might lose weight (baby weight gone would be great!) or you might just find ways to help with stress (and Lord knows that I need that right now). Now, I am not the type of person to go and do something like this all by myself. I always need to have someone there that I know. But I made the decision that 1. it sounded interesting and 2. that I was in need of some help and 3. this would give me an hour and a half to myself once a week for 6 weeks. So, bravely, off I went to the first class not sure what to expect.

Let's back up for just a moment and do a quick re-cap of my life these days. Last school year, there were a number of things taking place with me in my job. This school year, things got worse and my principal recommended that my contract not be renewed for reasons I don't really understand. But here nor there, I decided to fight back, hired an attornery, and unfortunately, the result was the same. After a lot of thought and prayer, I decided it was best for my family to resign. At this point in time, I have no idea where I'm headed next or what the future holds. Financially, I'm terrified, but I continue to remind myself that if God brings me to this path, He will get me through it.

Back to the class. . .
So, the gist of the class is that people need to eat more "Foods by God"--less packaged, processed foods, and eat more foods that God created for us to eat. Besides making some changes in my diet and being reaffirmed in my decision for myself and my children to be under chiropractic care. Day 30 really struck me. Instructions 7 and 8 for Peace by God were Thou Shalt be Hate-less: "Forgiving is tough. Certainly, it seems, there are certain acts and certain sub-humans that are beyond or below forgiveness. Yet at the same time, there must not be, because nowhere in the Bible is there a list of 'unforgivable sins.' If you have even one ex-friend, neighbor, or relative that you feel does not deserve forgiveness, or one person that is the object of your wrath, then you cannot get well. Therefore, forgiveness is not just what you do for others, 'forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.'" That struck me because I have been feeling as though my school situation was put on be by my principal and it was all her fault and yadah, yadah, yadah. But I can't ever get past my bitterness until I commit that this isn't her fault. This is just the way my life was supposed to go. So, upon hearing about her promotion, I sent her an e-mail congratulating her on her new job. I didn't do it for her--I did it for me. Instruction 8 is Thou Shalt Be Fearless (certainly have a lot of that these days!). The five steps required are:
1. Take your problems to God
2. Turn to God for answers to your problems
3. It's God's battle, not yours
4. With God, be fearless (strong and courageous)
5. Let God be glorified in victory and let the blessings flow

Through this whole situation, I have taken it upon myself to feel like a failure and a horrible teacher and person, which is not the case. I have not done a good job of making this God's problem. If this is what was meant for me, then it will be His job to lead me to what I should be doing. I have to trust that this isn't being done TO me, but FOR me. There has to be something better out there that I am supposed to be doing. -- (although when I have been getting some many colleagues telling me how much I will be missed and no one wants me to go and that they are glad I am their granddaughters teacher, it does make it a little harder to swallow . . . )

Finally, Day 37 was my last AHA moment. The 10th instruction was to be hopeful.
With hope you are daring: Rather than making excuses for why it would be impossible or even dangerous for you to overcome the stress in your life, with hope you can be daring enough to make whatever moves are necessary to get past your obstacles.
With hope you are a dreamer: Whatever you feel is possible is possible. Whatever you think is impossible is impossible. With hope you never shoot anywhere else but high, and you never think any other way but big.
With hope you are courageous: Success comes with a heavy price tag. It costs time, it costs money, and it may even cost some relationships. However, if it serves God, serves you, and serves the world, then it is worth it. Whatever you do, it will take courage. Whatever path you take, if it is a winning path, there will always be someone to tell you that you are wrong. With hope, do it anyway.
With hope you are different: Always remember that the popular path is usually the wrong path. God's path will usually lead you a different way, but only God's path leads the right way. Do not let the hopeless lead you astray.
**** my favorite: With hope it's okay to fail: If everything is going your way then you're probably going the wrong way (my life seemed to be perfect--hmmm . . . maybe that should have been the first clue!). On the road to a better life, you will get knocked down. With hope, you know that God will be there to pick you up again and again and again and again . . .
(isn't that the truth!!!)
If you hope you win . . .

Incredibly, I have come to find some peace with the situation at hand--not that the last day of school won't still be excruciating but I have to trust that there is something else I am supposed to be doing with my talents. Going to school every morning at 7:30 and staying until 5 while my children spend 10 hours at daycare maybe isn't what I was meant to do. As for what I am supposed to do next, again, I have no idea what that is yet. When the time is right, I'm sure I'll find out. The only thing that is getting me through is that the path I was on was not the right one and I am somewhat curious to find what the right path is. I'll keep you updated!